ACTUALLY HAPPENED is an Awful channel.

[ACTUALLY HAPPENED] I practiced in front of the mirror, making faces like an idiot! Half closing my eyes to seem relaxed and uninterested. And then, trying to fix my body language! Like holding a wide stance with my shoulders back. [Holds wide stance with shoulders back] [Laughing] How do you–? Ow! Ow! Ow… Hey there baby! How you doin’? [Laughing] Ow! Ah, I keep spraining my leg a bit. [Grunt] [WASTED] One day I was walking down the street and I was heading – to my video game, uh café.

I was heading to my gamer café… thing. Uh is that what they’re called? And I was walking into this gamer café, I opened the doors, I headed on into the gamer café, and what did I see? What did I spy with my own eyes? I saw… a gamer – being oppressed. And I thought ‘No. This is not okay.’ So I went up to the, t-to the oppresser – to the bully, and I, I said, “Hey, hey bro, um… Your dad is gay.” And then he cried and ran away and everyone started clapping! I don’t know where I’m going with this story, but everyone started clapping, and it was epic. Okay? This story did happen. This occurred. All of it. 100%. [Jazzy Music] Now this is another channel owned and run by TheSoul Publishing. Which is, um, the 5-Minute Crafts, BRIGHT SIDE, um, all those other ones. It’s another one owned by them. So it’s this big – company, just *snap* pumping out videos.

And their business motto on this one, like all the others, is “Make a lot of videos. Don’t make them too good. Like, make them okay. Make them passable. But… Don’t go above and beyond – in any way.” That’s what the entire company is, and… They’ve gotten… pft! [Slazo laughing] Wow they’re producing 1,500 videos a month! How many, like, pages do they own to do that? Wow… how many… how many employees do they have I wonder. Right, they say 40 Facebook pages but what about, like, what about their YouTube does that count the YouTube videos? If – if they count the YouTube videos is it even higher? Oh my god. [Laughing] This is a mon- [Gabbie Hannah] -ster! [Slazo] And now the thing that always tips you off at the beginning when you’re thinking… is the, uh, TheSoul Publishing, uh, channel? Is this owned by them? The thumbnails; all look the same– – and the profile pictures, all have a brightly saturated background with a thing.

Um… it’s just very easy to tell, it’s very intuitive. And now before we even watch any of the videos, right, one of the things I noticed – or the first thing I noticed – is that none of the videos are ten minutes. So they couldn’t put any mid-roll ads on these videos. So, the amount of money they must’ve lost! [Laughing] From that… Just… ugh. I like, I, I honestly feel bad [patting chest] for them. The amount of money they’ve said “goodbye” to! But then I go and look at 5-Minute Crafts and the numbers that they’re pulling with really long videos, and… all of a sudden I don’t feel so bad for some reason! [Laughing] Also, yes, I am aware that Jarvis Johnson did a video on this.

But I bought your merch so yeah, I think I’m allowed to – I’m allowed to copy you. [Laughing] Well it’s not copying, it’s the series! The series, I was gonna do it anyway, he just beat me to it! Grrr! …Bastard. Okay, so basically in this one, a girl moves to a new state/school and she meets a nice guy. He’s epic. He plays in a band, he writes poetry, he does art, and just generally lives an epic life. She falls in love with this guy and starts dating him, he tells her more and more about her life and he’s very impressive. It turns out he plays in a band that’s pretty successful, so…

He goes away to do his show with his band and off. Unfortunately, she can’t come. But then she finds out that his family has been posting pictures of a family trip that he’s in. And she does some research and finds out that all of his stories are, um, not true. The band with the name he had always mentioned, didn’t have a drummer. It was electronic. Okay, so he… [Laughing] So he told you… that he was in Daft Punk? He told you that he was a member of a band called Daft Punk. And he told everyone this, this was public domain knowledge. And no one questioned it! Ev– Everyone believed him? That he was a member of Daft Punk? And no one knew… what Daft Punk was? Or went and thought, “Hmmm I might Google his band.” Ooh. It doesn’t have a drummer. Ok. And he says he’s a drummer, of this…

Um, I don’t know if that’s tr– Daft Punk! People… n-nobody recognized the name Daft Punk? Really? … No. That didn’t happen. Right, so I’m sure you see the idea of this channel by now. It’s… um… “true stories” I guess that are fan-submitted or submitted by viewers. Um, which the channel then animates, narrates, and publishes. But… there are a lot of little telltale signs of them not being true. Right? Like in this one, just earlier, this happened. [ACTUALLY HAPPENED] So in about a month and a half, we started dating. To be honest, what made me feel even better was the fact that half the girls in our class were secretly in love with Jake. That was the kind of secret that everybody knew. And of course, they were madly jealous! I know I probably shouldn’t have been so happy about it, but… they were all quite mean to me. As I was the new girl in class. So I guess we were even. [Slazo] Yeah it’s not… as bad as… [Laughing] as him being in Daft Punk, but it’s still very like…

Did that happen, love? It’s just a little bit too… Wish-fulfillmenty. It’s a little bit like a Roald Dahl. Roald Dahl? Is that how you say it? Book. It’s just not very realistic. It’s just a little bit cartoony, it’s just a little bit like… All the other girls were mean to me! But they were so jealous, you guys! Like, it’s a little bit like woo! It’s a little bit like ooh, yeah good one Michael. They get what you mean when you say “It’s a little bit like ooh.” Ok so basically in this next one “My 16th Birthday Was A Nightmare” or something like that, I don’t remember what the video was called.

There’s this girl, and it’s her 16th birthday! And her family… is always doing pranks on each other? Um, I… I guess that’s, y’know, then that’s how it be. And so her parents are organizing her 16th birthday for her and she wakes up, she’s got car keys. And so she goes with her sister, gets her nails done or something. And her sister makes her stop at this mall. And then, when her sister comes back to the car… This random guy follows her, um… forces himself in the car. And tells them to drive where he wants basically, I guess that’s it. And so, terrified, this girl on her 16th birthday is just… doing what this guy says, trying to stay alive, trying to find a way out of this situation. From this like… strange man with a weapon. And then they get to where the man wants to go, and… He opened the door, but wouldn’t leave! I looked back in terror and saw that people were running out of the restaurant, and those were… my parents and all my friends.

They were yelling “Birthday prank, surprise!” And my sister and the man were laughing in the back seat. Oh my… yes! What an epic prank, that’s so awesome! I loved the part where you traumatized this girl for life for a little prank. On her 16th birthday as well, that’s awesome, I like that. At least my parents made sure I would remember my 16th birthday party… forever. Yeah, you’ll never forget it, neither will… Anyone who hears you sleep talking about it, reliving those memories… Uh, your therapist. And next up we’ve got the video, “I Broke Up With My Girlfriend Because Of Potatoes!” E̸̲͍̼͋̇̒́̓̋̾̑Ṕ̷̢̙̰̖͎̬̭̥̣̙̓I̷̥̭͙͓̖̦͚̙͔̾̆͝C̵̮͙̭̝̬͌͋̔̏̆̾́ Also I know Jarvis also talked about this one, but bro… I got your merch, okay, that’s my get out of jail free card– [ACTUALLY HAPPENED] Hi, I’m Andy. I have always had a particular sense of humor. I also used to have a girlfriend. Who I guess, wasn’t compatible with my sense of humor. Let me tell you how I found out. So my girlfriend invited me to dinner with her and her parents.

Blimey, I never met them! …And I got pretty nervous. And it started in a good way. Then, the idea slapped my mind that I should do some comedy to make a good impression and amuse them a little, as they seemed deadly serious. So naive I was. [Slazo] Oh yeah I just– I decided to… *lowers voice* do some comedy, you know lift the mood… *Regular voice* I decided to just, you know, whip out the ol’ comedy over here. You know, just um– Now you guys heard of, um, you guys heard of Big Chungus? [ACTUALLY HAPPENED] When I saw they were gonna serve baked potatoes, I decided to pretend I didn’t know what potatoes were. “That would be hilarious!” I thought. [Slazo] Oh my God– *inhale* The look on everyone’s faces?! Epic.

Epic. So amazed. If I just pretended I didn’t know what potatoes were! That’s- That’s funny! Like, no context. You don’t know this family. You’re just out of nowhere saying, “Pfft! What’s a potato hey-hey am I right?”. Like a stand-up comedian just walks up to the mic. Yeah, pick it up. (Pretend it’s a mic!) Um… [Deep voice] Guys, uh… What’s… What’s this thing? [Laughing] *Hits desk* *Sighs* [Normal Voice] L-Like how is pretending not to know what something is funny? [ACTUALLY HAPPENED] But it also backfired on me. So, first, when they served a potato on my plate, I acted strange. I gave out an impressive mixture of curiosity, confusion, astonishment, and interest on my face. They noticed it and seemed confused, but didn’t ask me anything.

So I launched my idiotic prank. This looks very interesting! What is this? They stared at me, and her mother said, “It’s a baked potato…” Oh… Interesting! A… baked. What is it again? “A potato.” A ‘potato’… Oh… interesting! Never heard of a potato… Looks pretty good! Unbelievably, they didn’t see I was clowning. This was the moment I started to suspect they had no sense of humor. [Slazo] Oh my Go-… Yeah, no… No sense of humor you guys! What the hell? How do you not realize that I didn’t… that I did know what a potato was?! With my… No indication of knowing what a potato is!- Like, a joke’s only funny so long as at least someone’s in on the joke. *Inhale* If no one gets it, then… Ssss….Stop talking bro! [ACTUALLY HAPPENED] I knew it would be a humiliating epic fail if I admitted to making a joke.

[Slazo] Epic fail. Okay, what? [Laughing] It’s been a while since I’ve heard those words, “Epic fail”. [ACTUALLY HAPPENED] So I decided to act naturally ’til the very end. They asked me, very incredulous, if I had never eaten a potato. I sigh and tell them “yes”. Not only have I never eaten a potato, But I also have never even heard of the word “potato”. This went on for a bit. The more I insisted, the more they started to suspect I was goofing. I had to commit 100% at this point.

At one point, her annoyed father said something like, “Enough is enough! You’re kidding us. Admit it!” [Slazo] W-what?! Why, why would you get angry about that? *Lowers voice* “Dude, admit it, you know what potato is!” *Normal voice* Like, who has ever gotten angry about something like that? [ACTUALLY HAPPENED] The last straw came when I decided to take a bite of the potato. And when I did, I made a high-pitched noise and said, “Mmm! Tastes very strange!” [Laughs] And that is when the father started yelling at me and the mother kept saying, “What are you doing?”.

And my girlfriend went to some other room. Finally, the father said I should, *lowers voice* “Get out!” [Slazo] W…. *Yelling* WHAT?! What? No, he did not say that. No one said that. Um, *laughs* she, she didn’t burst into tears. She didn’t say “What are you doing?”. And his head did not combust. None of those things happened. This is, *laughs* this is not… MMMMM! This did not “ACTUALLY HAPPEN”. It’s just such a weird, dumb, situation… …and it’s…. eh… it’s not even… It’s. It’s such a weird… …dumb situation. Like… Go away from me. Why has this channel beaten me to a million subscribers? Like they’ve only be-they’ve only been uploading for seven months! This is depressing. This is so sad! [ACTUALLY HAPPENED] I said it was irrational to treat me like this just because I had never heard of a potato before.

After that, I left with dignity. [Slazo] Leaving with dignity! Of course. Leaving with the most dignity, in the world… after just, making a clown of yourself and alienating your girlfriend’s entire family. Dignity. Superhero cape. And then he goes and breaks up with his girlfriend and his dad and he laughs a bit?… And that’s the end of the video. Wow, epic! An awesome story that occurred in real life… The same one that we live in. “It happened”. And one thing you’ll notice about this is it’s always a bit of a victim story.

It’s always a bit of a sympathy story. It’s always, um… Like, which is fine! Like, all… Most movies are kind of like victim, underdog stories since those are the things we relate to. But, *inhale* when it’s something you’re saying is real, and probably isn’t real, it’s just a bit, like, I don’t know. It’s not bad it’s just disingenuous. It’s not harmful, I wouldn’t say, it’s just a little bit gross. Anyway, the conclusion for the video, the profound end note, ACTUALLY HAPPENED? Bad channel. Um.. who would’ve thought that a TheSoul Publishing channel is bad? None of the other ones are! *Laughs* It’s not like there’s a whole series about these channels being bad.

Oh and also I mentioned a couple of videos back, um, Good Game: Spawn Point, that game I used to watch- Show I used to watch about games. Um, a while back I submitted a question for them to answer, and they did, and I also said for them to shout out Zac and Darcy. Well, in that video I asked them to shout out Zac and Darcy AGAIN, “There we go now you two have *laughs* had better shoutout *intense laughter* Zac and Darcy! Or I…! *laughs hysterically* You better shout out Zac and Darcy again or I’m gonna… I’m gonna use some lethal force here!” And this was one of the hosts’ responses, very, you know, thank you, thank you for that, Hex. And this was, the other one’s response… [Good Game: Spawn Point] I’ll never- I’ll never give a shoutout to Zac and Darcy again! They’ve had their chance! [Slazo] Okay, now I’m…

Now I’m angry! Mister… No. Just kidding, love you, mwah. Um… it’s just weird that my childhood, my “adult” life, have like, combined like this. It’s quite weird. Anyway, blah, blah blah! Hope you enjoyed the video! And as always, I’ll see you in the next one. Follow me on Instagram, and Twitter, and make me look cool in front of all my friends. Um… *laughs* and I’ll see you in the next one. Bye! *Beeping*.