Here’s Exactly How To Clean Your House After A Breakup

1. Breakups suck — and whether you were dumped or the heartbreaker, they’re rarely easy endings. But they are always a great catalyst for transformation. Time for a new chapter, my dude.

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So you and I, we’re going to revamp your life, now that it has suddenly changed — we’re gonna transfigure the gross feelings into a new space, where only good stuff thrives. So we’re gonna get rid of all the stuff that makes you sad.

2. Especially your ex’s stuff.

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Legally I cannot advise you to set fire to their car. However, you can 100% fantasize about it, and live vicariously through Angela Bassett doing so in Waiting to Exhale. I support that decision.

3. You know all those tips about getting rid of clutter one thing at a time? Yeah, forget that.

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One of the reasons most people hate cleaning is it takes up so much time, all of the time — we have to be reminded, we have to do it constantly, we’d rather be doing anything else. We’re not going to go by the traditional advice you’re probably heard before. We’re going to try something new.

5. Cleaning room by room isn’t efficient. Clean by category, not by location.

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You need to hold each object one by one and put it against your life: does it thrill you and improve your life, or do you have it just because? When you love something, you feel that spark, right? Get rid of anything that doesn’t give that vibe. It’s scary and simple, and it works.

14. Once you’ve significantly pared down your stuff, you can use strategies to really store them properly — and cherish them the way they ought to be.

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16. This is what your drawers might look like with the method.

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21. Here’s a KonMari’d bookshelf. Look at all that space, you guys.

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This was often the most difficult phase for people, because of the idea of waste. But listen, if you haven’t read that book (or the past 10) you bought on Amazon in the past two years, what makes you think you’ll pick it up in the next two?

26. Here’s what your bathroom makeup storage could look like, if you finally disposed of all that expired makeup and the products you just don’t use.

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If you need help narrowing down the stuff because ALL your beauty products spark joy, it will be helpful to consider what might be expired, anway. We put together a guide for you. And for the stuff you don’t use — there’s no need to be wasteful. You can drop off products at your local Women’s Shelter. Here is a national database for you to go through.

29. As the wise prophets Fall Out Boy once sang, “Thx fr th mmrs.”

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